Breaking up is harsh, whether it’s expected or unexpected. You go through all that mental torture and life seems turned over, all of a sudden. You have to change your routine, wake up next to an empty spot in bed, eat meals without him etc. All of these things can cause severe anxiety and lead you to depression.
You start feeling hollow and devoid of any kind of feelings and emotions. Your heart seems distracted and your mind does not want to engage in any kind of activity. It’s all devastating. You get up in the morning, check your phone but there are no cute texts that he used to send you, you check your phone all day, but no text or call or anything from him. It is one of the many habits you have developed thanks to that relationship, without knowing, you look at your phone for his texts.
There is so much around you that make you think about him, think about the time you spent with him. Things that you both used to laugh at, things you both find interesting, those inside jokes about people and events, as I said, there is so much one can relate to. And all it does is make you feel even worse. You watch a movie, you see a couple and it reminds you of your couple, you try to listen a song and the lyrics seem like they were ‘made’ for you and your couple. One can really go through a lot after a break up that can affect them physically and mentally as well.
Before all of this happens, make sure you take yourself out of the trauma and the fear of being rejected and alone and remind yourself of these things:
1. You are not the reason he left:
Never blame yourself or him for whatever reason he gave you for leaving. Even if it is his fault or if he was interested in someone else, it is not your fault. He left because you two were not meant to be together. Simple. If you were, you would be together. So stop listening to those sad songs and stop thinking that it is all your fault that he left. Because he did not. Fate had decided this for you, so it happened.
Yes, it seems pretty easy just to say this, one can’t really understand what that person is going through when someone breaks up with them, but if you try to get up again and try, it can be actually easy. Be confident again, you don’t need to have any kind of insecurities about yourself or anything like that. You DON’T want to be second guessing yourself.
You’re still one of the most awesome people, you can still get a new boyfriend, even a better one than the one who left you. You don’t want to put yourself through different questions like, ‘Why he did this to ME? What did I do wrong? Why am I the one whose heart is broken in the end?’ You can always just calm yourself by understanding the fact that you two were not meant to stay together.
One can never really plan for something like this to happen, breakups don’t really make any sense. I mean, there is no ‘right time’ for breaking up with someone, similarly, there’s no right time to be broken up by someone. You can’t really be ready for it to happen, they can’t be avoided and things always get nasty in the end. This is mainly because there are too many feelings involved, the feelings that are out of your hand, they just happen without you not even knowing.
2. Time heals everything:
Spend all your time crying and eating carbs or move on to a fresh start, the choice is yours. The important fact is that time passes so quickly that after a few weeks, you will not even feel the pain or the emptiness. So, it is much worse to gain unnecessary weight and then feel low over that too. Have a makeover and shape up. Let those curves be defined and within a week or two, you will become the most desirable thing in your town.
A breakup can be debilitating for you, both mentally and physically. You will lose all hope and belief in things like ‘love’, and you feel miserable being alone. Those romantic comedies, sad songs and ice cream will feel like the only things that can heel you. According to an interesting study done by Journal of Positive Psychology, you will need at least 3 months to get over the guy that left you. But obviously, this depends on the person, maybe you take even a little more time, but the thing is that time will heal all those wounds. You might feel like it is end of the world for you and you might never get over him, but that’s the never the case.
Time! Time is the best thing you can ask for. Yeah, you might think about that person after a couple of years when you look at a movie you two saw together or are at a place where you went together, but you’ll look at that and won’t feel any pain because you know you’re a strong person now and those times cant ruin you anymore.
Yes, it can be really nasty in the start, things will not look good at all. You won’t be interested in doing anything, eating much, going anywhere, not even trying to leave your bed. But then, eventually, there will be a time when you’ll look at the past and maybe even laugh at how stupid you were to cry and ruin yourself for that person who wasn’t even meant to be with you, who didn’t even deserve you.
3. You are free!
You do not have to have long fights over wearing that mini skirt to the club or go out with an old friend late at night anymore. You can go wherever you want and meet whomever you want. You are a free bird now with the horizon all yours.
This can actually even be considered like a perk after a break up. I mean, yes, when you’re in a relationship with him, you like everything he says and you try make him happy by doing things he says as well. But still, there is that little feeling somewhere in the corner of your heart where you want to do certain things that he doesn’t like and doesn’t want you to do, so you skip them. But now, it’s all over, you don’t have to listen to him, you don’t have make him happy, you don’t have dress like he wants you to, you don’t have to go to the places that only he likes, you can do anything you want now.
Look at the things more positively and you can even find something good, no matter how little, in even such a pathetic thing as a break up. You have to tell yourself that he is gone and this was a gift for you. The whole break up, yes, it was a gift for you from the world. Now that he is gone, you are free, you have started to live your life in a whole new way, and you are given an opportunity to start up fresh. You can do and go wherever you want to now and become a better person.
You are no longer a victim that was wronged by that person, you’re someone who was actually being looked out for. You came across a rough patch and you were stumbling, but in the end you are safe. The relationship you THOUGHT was good for you, wasn’t good in the end, and it’s good that it ended now and you can live a new life.
4. Letting go is easy:
It really is not as hard as it seems. You think that letting go of his stuff and memories will create a permanent hole in your heart, but no! It does not work like that. The sooner you will erase the memories, the better it will be for your mental and physical health. Plus, it will show how brave you are and you are among those very few people who can actually move on to be better persons instead of turning into ’emos’.
Again, it is all about how you react in this situation. It can be and will be tough for you in the start but it’s your attitude that matters. What’s done is done, you have got to get over it and start a new routine or continue the older one. Yes, I know it is not easy but you have to be strong here, you have to show courage, you have got to be brave and even be a little insensitive about stuff that is related to him. Things will begin to get easy for you as soon as you step up out there to restart your life. As time will pass, you will realize how easy it is to let go, let go of the things from your past that don’t matter anymore. Get involved in as many different activities as you can, hit the gym maybe, get a makeover, go shopping, hangout with your BFF, there are a million ways to get over that person and get on with your life.
You don’t need to sit at home, locked in your room, listening to those ‘emo’ songs and crying for a guy that didn’t even deserve you and wasn’t the right one for you. You don’t need to look at his pictures and go through the stuff you two bought together or the stuff he bought for you, that part of your life is gone, you need to get over it, and if you try to do that bravely, it won’t be that difficult as you thought it would be.
5. You are not worthless:
Think about all of those dreams you locked away because you wanted to stay with him. Well, now is the time time to let that girl out who got all of those scholarships and recognitions in college. Find your ultimate dream and fulfil it. Your passion will polish you and nourish your soul to become a much better person than who you were before you realized your worth.
You need to take some time off, give it a little time, as it was said earlier that time will heal it and you need to be brave about stepping out again, without any insecurity or fear about yourself. It was said at the start that you should never doubt YOURSELF, it is not you that had some flaw, and it’s just that you two were not meant to stay forever. Look at yourself, you were created by God, you are one of the most amazing and perfect creatures made on this planet, you have gifts, you have talents, you have abilities that you don’t even know you have yet, you have got to be thankful and embrace all these gifts.
Be positive about everything, take this break up as a lesson for you and learn from it. You are more mature now, you can look at things differently now, you can tell what is good for you and what might not be… you still are amazing and an awesome lady. You can do whatever you want now, you can do wonders. There is always something positive one can take from life lessons, one just needs to do a little effort to find them.
6. A whole new world is out there:
So what if that one guy decided to leave you? It is certainly not the end of the world. All you need to do is step right out of your shell and let the beautiful world welcome you into its embrace.
Take a little break, gather all your stuff, get all things in place, take this whole break up thing as an opportunity given to you to take a new start. There are a million things you can do to get over that guy and be happy again. Travelling can be really good, pack up your bag, get the tickets and leave the city for a little while. Go to any city, country, place you always wanted to go. This is a chance for you. You must have some life goals, this is the time to go right out there and get them.
You don’t need to pretend and lie to yourself and friends that you’re happy. You have got to feel everything again, just saying you’re fine wont help. It is okay to be angry, maybe punch a pillow, yell, but then take some quiet time, be completely honest with yourself and decide what you want to really do.
Do what you have always been reluctant to do and find your strengths. Take risks. Have fun. Enjoy your time as a single woman who is capable of doing so many meaningful things in life.
7. It is more hurtful when love is not reciprocated:
Don’t you think that being single is way better than being in a relationship in which the love you give is not reciprocated? You put all your energy and effort into that relationship but you see no such thing from your partner. Isn’t that more hurtful? We all have heard of the term ‘unconditional love’ and that, to be honest, is the best type of love that someone can give you. So if your guy never loved you unconditionally then trust me, he was not worth it at all.
This break up was kind of like a good thing that happened for you, no? I mean, you don’t need to pretend or put up a PDA to just show you two are happy with each other. You don’t need to lie anymore. You don’t need to constantly waiting for him to say and mean those 3 words.
It feels like you gave everything you could in the relationship but didn’t receive anything in return at all. You obviously get tired of the relationship but you still want to continue it because you really love that guy. But if you are not getting anything in return from the guy and you are the only one in the relationship who is trying, it is way better to not have that life at all. There has to be effort from the both sides, if the love is only one sided then it has no meaning. If the guy doesn’t really care and isn’t interested at all, it is better not being with him.
It doesn’t have to mean that you should always look for those romantic guys who will say all those lovey-dovey stuff to you all day long to believe that they really love you. Even the most unromantic guy can and will at one point or another say or do something that will make you believe that he truly loves you. But if not, then well, again, it’s not meant to be.
No relationship and love is better than an unrequited love!
A piece of advice, always try to settle with that guy who loves you more than you love him. That’s one significant ingredient in a happy relationship.
8. Love will find you:
Love has its ways of finding the people who deserve to be found. And you are one of them! You deserve the kind of love we read in the Classics. The kind we watch in movies and the kind we interpret from songs. Love will find you, sooner or later. Just be patient and live your life according to your beliefs.
Again, let time heal you, don’t blame yourself for anything, be positive, brave and step out in the world again. You can’t just sit in your home and expect everything to be okay again. You have GOT to step out yourself and only then, things will begin to get easy for you and there is definitely a 100% chance that you will find love again. There will be a time where you will look at the old you and even laugh at the
Every time those memories come flashing back, just remind yourself that you are a very beautiful, intellectual and strong woman. There is nothing in this world that can make you feel degraded and worthless because you are much more than that.
Ladies, talk to me
Did this article give you strength? What did you do to take yourself out of that “dark zone” that comes after a big breakup? Let me know in the comments below!