Did you dream of having sex last night? Was it with someone other than your partner? Was it awkward? Embarrassing? Disgusting? Or the best sex you have ever had?
It could be all or none of these things. Dreams are the result of our unconscious minds trying to communicate what they are processing at any given time in our lives. You may be processing things that happened yesterday, in high school, or as a four year old you.
Dreams of sex are the most interesting to decipher and represent the most private revelations of personal growth. However, you need to understand a few basic things. If you dream of sex and have an orgasm, this may be a purely organic and natural function of your body releasing some backed up energy. No big thing… just the start of a new day.
Next, dreams are the revelations of your deepest emotional processing done by your unconscious mind, which uses metaphors in an attempt to communicate. Everything in your dream is relevant because the unconscious mind can choose from ANYTHING you know and things you don’t even know you know to try to relay its message.
Here’s the kicker — unless it is a shamanic or precognitive dream, which are pretty rare, most dreams are what we call progressive dreams. In your dream, everyone in your dream is YOU. Nobody walks into your mind and starts messing with your head. Every character in your dream is a reflection of your own self. Like the fun house mirrors at the fair, each character in your dream is a representation of an aspect/component/program of yourself. As a child we adjust who we are to meet the expectations of those who are most predominant in our world, our mothers particularly, fathers, siblings, school teachers, etc. In order to exist harmoniously in our world we have to adjust, change our essential selves, and those changes become separate “programs’ if you will. Everyone else besides you in your dreams is an adjustment to your original programming,
Sex in your dreams means that your mind no longer needs or wants that particular program to be separate from your essential self and thus wants to INTEGRATE that program into you. Programs are just that, behaviors that pop up out of nowhere to handle certain situations even though we aren’t consciously aware they are even there. Have you ever done something that was so out of character, you asked yourself, “Where did that come from, who was that person?”
Well that was an unconscious program overriding your conscious mind. For example, a gentle, kind person, when exposed to unsettling situations like a small traffic accident, may become a defensive, accusing, and angry person, because that is the type of behavior that worked at some level in their past. The default program steps up and “handles’ the situation because the original self, the kind, gentle person, was caught off balance or confused, so doppelganger takes over.
Having sex in your dreams means that you are healing and integrating programs back into yourself to make you a stronger, more solid you. So what are you ready to let go of? What are you integrating back into your original being?
This is how you tell what you are integrating… the person you are having sex with? Who are they? Do you know them? If so, think of three things that would describe their CHARACTER, not their physical being, but who they are. Say you are trying to describe this person’s traits to someone who doesn’t know them; what is that person like? If you don’t know this person, describe your gut reactions to this person: are they enchanting, repugnant, frail, or infirm? Those reactions to this unknown program are the parts of yourself you’re melding back into your unconscious mind.
Now those three things – say kind, gentle, and submissive — are the parts of yourself that you want to “marry” into yourself. You are blending and integrating those once-separate operational programs back into yourself. This is a huge progression of self-acceptance. Really, a progressive healing movement of your mind.
Now the last thing, which is really one of the most important things I want to tell you about having sex in your dreams — your dreams are very INTIMATE revelations from your unconscious mind. Most people do not understand the meaning of having sex in their dreams. If you casually remark at the office about your having sex with your CEO, it does not mean you have the hots for the company big wig. It means whatever traits that person has are the components/programs that you want to have assimilate and not run as independent programs.
However, be warned that, once said, it cannot be unsaid; it cannot be erased from whoever heard that comment about you “wanting to boff the boss.” This is especially true if you are in a relationship… DO NOT TELL your partner that you had a dream about sleeping with the boss. There is no redo button on spoken words. No matter how knowledgeable and enlightened that person might be, that statement will always stay with them, unconsciously or otherwise.
It will not go well, and can come back to haunt you in a heated discussion, because it sat there festering in THEIR mind that you really did want to sleep with the head honcho.
You can learn more about dreams in my book Dream Analysis Handbook, where you can look up what last night’s wild and crazy dream meant, because Dreams Speak to us all; we just need to know the language.