How to make yourself strong after a breakup

Breakups are hard. They can be excruciatingly painful. They can make you feel like there is no hope left in the world, like you’ll never find anybody else and like you’ll never recover from this one event in your life. We’ve all been there. We all know how horrible it feels. And we all know how we still managed to come out of it alive and strong.
If you have just been through a breakup and you can’t figure out what to do with your life now, then just follow these steps to get over the pain and come out of this stronger than before:

Step 1: Cope with your grief

  • Just accept that this pain is normal
You are not turning into a psycho. You are not going to feel depressed forever. And you are not the only person who has ever felt or acted this way. The pain, hurt and all the reactions caused by them are completely normal. You just lost one of the most important people in your life and you’re bound to stay affected by it for some time to come.
  • Don’t hold it in
Stop pretending that you’re fine. Stop acting like everything’s normal. If you keep all your feelings bottled up for now, they will keep showing up and affecting you adversely in the long run. You have to process what you feel and you have to let it all out if you ever want to move on from this. If you feel like crying, cry your heart out. If you want to spend an entire day in bed, then stop worrying about everything else and take a day off. If you want to rant about how angry you are, grab your friend and tell them all about it
  • Write about it
There is no better way to be in touch with your actual feelings than writing about it. Write about how you lonely you feel. Write about how angry you are. Write about all the experiences you had during the relationship and during the breakup. Don’t worry about spelling and grammar mistakes. This piece of writing is just for you. It’s there to help you accept. It’s there to help you cope. And it’s there to help you reflect better on everything that’s going on in your life.
  • Examine what you’ve written
Go over everything you’ve written. Pay attention to how your feelings have evolved and changed every time you write about them. Notice how your writing has become a little less sad with each passing day. This will help you see the progress you’re making. It will help you realize how every feeling turns out to be temporary. And it will help you realize that this moment too shall pass. 
  • Give yourself positive self-affirmations
A breakup can really destroy your confidence and self-esteem. You have to fight this. You have to keep reminding yourself of your achievements. You have to keep reminding yourself that you’re not worthless. You have to keep reminding yourself about how much the people around you- all your friends and family- still love and adore you. And you have to keep reminding yourself that this one breakup is not going to define your entire personality.
  • Find support in the people around you
When you’re going through a breakup, it’s natural to feel extremely lonely and isolated. You start believing that no one and nothing has the ability to make you happy again. This is not true. You have friends and you have family who are just waiting for you to call out to them, who love you just as much as your ex did, and who would do anything just to bring a smile back to your face. So when they’re trying to help, when they’re offering their advice, and when they’re forcing you to go out, then just let them.

Step 2: Be strong

  • Cut off all communication with your ex
When you break up with someone, it’s hard to stay away completely. Your nights are lonely and your days are long and in between them both, you reach this one moment of desperation when you just can’t stop yourself from calling or sending them an “I miss you” text. Don’t let that happen.
Resist the temptation of hearing their voice or seeing their face just one last time. You broke up for a reason and that reason still stands no matter how bad you miss them. Delete their number from your phone. Unfriend them from Facebook. And cut off all possible ties with them.
  • Throw away all the reminders
If you were together even for just a month, you’re bound to have a lot of reminders of them all around you. All the pictures you took together, the gifts they gave you on your birthday, the shirt they left at your house which still has their scent! All these can trigger a thousand memories and emotions. I know it’s hard to get rid of all these things but this is something you have to do in order to move on and remain strong.
  • Let it end on a good note
No matter what the reason was, no matter how bad things got between you both and no matter how much hatred had come in between by the end, don’t let this part of your life end on a bad note. This person meant something to you. You put in so much time and effort into this one relationship. And you’ll never be able to forgive yourself if you end this with a huge fight or spiteful words. If you’ve decided to part ways, do it with mutual consent and understanding.
  • Stay busy
Distracting your mind is obviously a temporary fix but it can be very useful in avoiding all the pain. Instead of sitting all day thinking about your ex, put your mind and heart to good use. Take up those guitar lessons you always wanted. Read the book that was left pending since ages. Go on a trip with your friends. Do anything that takes your mind off the breakup. 

Step 3: Learn to thrive without them

  • Don’t forget to have fun
This can feel like the most impossible thing after a breakup. You don’t even feel like getting out of bed, let alone enjoy a night out with your friends. But you just need to make that initial effort and everything will start to feel better. Force yourself to go to that party. Say “yes” when your friends ask you to join them for a movie. Laugh at all the crazy things your friends do. Your life isn’t over. You still have things to love and enjoy.
  • Go out and treat yourself
Let’s face it- relationships can be costly. You keep spending most of your money on going out to dates, buying your significant other the shirt they loved, and getting two of almost everything you buy. If you just broke up, you’re bound to have some extra savings. So go out and treat yourself with an expensive gift. You’ll be surprised at how much retail therapy can help in making you happy.
  • Focus on the positive things
Just because he/she couldn’t handle the possibility of being with you doesn’t mean you’re worthless. You’re a strong and beautiful individual with so many options left to explore. Everything happens for a reason. If you couldn’t find lasting love in this one person, then there’s probably someone even better out there, someone who can make you happier and someone who’ll love you better.

Step 4: Move on

  • Forgive and forget
You both made mistakes. You both fought endlessly. And you’re both equally responsible for whatever happened to your relationship. There’s no point in holding on to all the wrong things they did to you. There’s no point in planning extreme forms of revenge all the time. And if you ever want to be at peace with this one horrible event in your life, then just learn to forgive and forget.

  • Reflect on what went wrong and look towards the future
If you want this breakup to be something positive, if you never want to experience anything like it and if you want this to be an opportunity to learn and grow, then try to reflect on everything that you did wrong. Think about the mistakes you did. Think about all the things you could have done differently. And then remember to never repeat any of it in the future.
  • Search for who you truly are
When you’ve been with someone long enough, you start identifying yourself as a half and not as one complete and unique individual. You make all your choices keeping this one person in mind. You adjust all your wants and desires according to your partner. And you start to forget who you truly are. Step out of your comfort zone and take this breakup as an opportunity to become whole again, as an opportunity to rediscover yourself and as an opportunity to be the best possible version of yourself.
  • Give yourself time
You feel defeated. You feel hopeless. You feel depressed. But you’re not going to keep feeling this way forever. Time does heal all wounds. You will get over this. You will be happy again. You will find someone even better. And one day, you will remember this breakup and feel nothing at all. Just have faith and give yourself time.

Talk to me

Are you going through a breakup? What’s your way of coping with it and how do you fight the sadness? Share your sorrows with me in the comments below