5 Loving Ways to Care for Yourself when Your Ex has Moved on
~If someone makes you miserable more than they make you happy it doesn’t matter how much you love them, it’s time to let them go.~ Author Unknown
We’ve all been there. The dreaded break up. We loved, we lost, we cried, we laughed, we got dumped, we dumped them and life goes on. Sounds so cut and dry doesn’t it? Why can’t it ever be that easy? Why do we continue to hang on to anger, hurt, resentment and any other life sucking, positive energy sapping emotions? And why oh why do we still hold that grudge? There’s the million dollar question.
We’ve moved on, it’s over and, good grief, he’s dating again. You have GOT to be kidding me? How dare he? I mean we JUST broke up! And all those horrible emotions kick in, again. This happened to me and I was utterly devastated. My whole world spun around like I was on some crazy amusement park ride, but not the fun one, the behemoth one that makes you want to throw up and you can’t wait for it to stop so you can get off. Yup. I was there.
When I left my husband after almost 7 years I was pretty happy. I finally found some freedom and life was good. I wanted him to find happiness too, but deep down I really just wanted him to be miserable. Feel the misery I felt for the last few years of our relationship. It was a battle. I want him to be happy, I want him to be miserable and rot in Hell. (don’t judge, even kind, loving spiritual people sometimes think these things too). I wanted him to move on, I didn’t want him to move on. When I discovered he had, in fact, moved on, I was shocked. The biggest shocker? It was only 2 months after I walked out.
And I cried. I spent the whole day sobbing my heart out. Stereo blaring so my neighbours couldn’t hear my screams, rants and expletives, I sobbed hysterically. All day long. Clutching my pillow tightly to my face with my box of Kleenex attached to my hip. It truly was pathetic.
The next day I woke up exhausted, mentally and physically, my eyes swollen so bad I looked like I stepped out of a boxing ring and spent the morning analyzing this whole situation. You’re a pretty strong person, Iva. Snap out of it. You didn’t want him anyway, right?
And the self talk, self care and self love began. How can I possibly make the best out of this situation? This has never happened to me before so how do I deal with it in the most effective and loving way? I sat quietly, centered myself and my thoughts, and came up with these 5 ways that helped me get through this heart breaking phase in my life.
Well I clearly did that. All damn day long. And it felt good. Real good. (I cried for a few days after as well) Don’t hold your tears in and try to be strong, big and brave and act like it’s no big deal. It IS a big deal and you know it is! So just cry. I call it detoxifying. Flushing out the bad jujubes. Cleansing the heart and soul, so to speak.
Ok I know I just told you to cry so how are you supposed to laugh, right? Just try it. Watch a comedy, go to a comedy club, go check out a funny page on Facebook or the Internet, do whatever you have to do that makes you laugh and just do it. Go hang with funny friends that could care less about your loser ex. (and you shouldn’t care about him either for that matter)
I’ve always had a really hard time with meditating and I get that it’s not for everyone. A good friend of mine gave me tips on how to do it without taking an hour. She called them “mini meditations” and they totally worked for me. I can meditate for 2-4 minutes and feel awesome after I’m done. You take however long you have to but definitely try it. My mini med goes something like this: I close my eyes and envision God (though you can envision whatever spirit or Angel you would like to). I imagine He is blowing soft pink love dust to me, sort of like fairy sprinkles, and I breathe it all in. As I blow out, I imagine I am blowing out a dark grey cloud of hurt, anger, and any other negative emotion trapped inside of me. I do this until I am calm again. Please try it. It truly is soothing.
4.Write a truth letter.
This is one of my all time favorite things to do anytime anyone pisses me off. Grab your pen and paper and write down every single solitary thing you are feeling. I mean EVERYTHING! Address it to your ex. Dear John: bla bla bla and just let it rip! Don’t hold back anything. Write until your hand hurts or you’re out of emotions. Get it all out. This is the time to release everything that is deep inside of you. When you are done, read it out loud as many times as you want and then burn it, shred it, bury it or simply throw it out (did you think I was going to tell you to mail it?). You want to talk about a liberating exercise, try this. Trust me on that.
5. Send the new happy couple love.
Oh trust me, this one is NOT easy but it’s a must. Muster up all the love you can and send it to them. Wish them nothing but happiness and love for the rest of their lives. Send them a little prayer if you want to. (your ex’s new partner is gonna need all the prayers they can get anyway :).haha.) A little practice I was taught years ago was to sit quietly, close my eyes, and pass them a red rose as a symbol of love, forgiveness and peace. Remember you need to feel love and peace within yourself in order to move on, right?
Breaking up is never easy. It doesn’t matter who ended the relationship, it’s still hard. Holding onto anger and negative emotions isn’t good for anyone. Wouldn’t you rather move on in peace and love? It’s not going to be easy, but it’s definitely going to be worth it.