Have you ever judged yourself or put yourself down?
Do you ever say harsh things to yourself?
Are you the kind of person who shrugs off compliments when they’re given to you?
Well, STOP IT.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW!
You deserve so much more than that.
Easier said than done tho isn’t it?
Or is it…
Hi, I’m Gary and I am a Hypnotherapist and Emotional Depth Coach and I help my clients break through the limiting beliefs that are holding them back in their lives and careers.
During my time as a therapist I’ve recognised that there is one single common denominator that seems at the root of almost all my clients emotional struggles; they don’t feel good enough. I can not even begin to tell you how many times those words tumble from the lips of clients that sit in my therapy chair. In fact, it is rare for them not to be uttered.
As an ex-actor, during my training as a therapist with the world renowned Marisa Peer I decided I wanted to treat other performing artists who had suffered from a debilitating lack of self-belief and appreciation, just like I did throughout most of my teens and twenties. I hated my body, would never take my t-shirt off on holiday and right until the age of 28 was not comfortable with a partner seeing my body.
From my own journey towards self-love, acceptance and appreciation and from working with thousands of clients from stage and screen, I quickly discovered the secret to true happiness. And it is simpler than you may think.
The key to the happiness you seek is simple.
DAILY SELF PRAISE.
My great teacher, the world-renowned therapist Marisa Peer, defined the cause of low self-esteem and depression as “harsh, hurtful, critical words that you say to yourself over and over again”.
Ask yourself, what is the one single thing that you absolutely required as a kid to grow into a confident, self loving adult.
That’s all. Plain and simple praise: “you’re a great kid” “you’re perfect as you are” “wow you got 1/10 on that test, which question did you get right? That’s so cool!” “you failed your exam?! That’s so wonderful honey cause now you know you’d much prefer to go play the piano, and you’re incredible at that! I love you so much”
Praise builds you up.
Praise keeps you going.
Praise makes lights you up.
But guess what…
Nobody can ever praise you like you can praise yourself. We spend our whole lives waiting for others to tell us we are good enough, to give us the green light to live our lives, to tell us that what we are doing is worthwhile. And the whole time we are there waiting for ourselves to give us the praise we really want to hear.
Many of us just do not get the praise we want in the way we want to hear it. The checklist of what needs to be said, and how and what needs to be included is so specific, nobody could ever get it right.
And do you know the truth? We don’t want to hear how successful we are or how beautiful we are or how what we’ve achieved in our life is so impressive.
The praise we truly want to hear is:
“You’re a great son/daughter” “I’m so proud of you” “I love you no matter what” “You’re so perfect in my eyes”
There is nothing that lifts your spirit more than being told how good you are. But nobody can tell you how good you are like you can because nobody knows it like you do.
There is only one relationship that matters; the relationship between you and you. To give yourself praise on a daily basis is one of simplest, most profound and transformational things you can do. It is the thing that causes the most dramatic changes in the clients I treat. It’s not easy at first, but as with anything, the more you do it the more familiar it becomes. The brain like what is familiar and dislikes what is unfamiliar. So, if you’re the kind of person who has made criticism familiar it will take just a little while to make it unfamiliar and to make praise familiar. But please start now.
A process I work with my clients on is ‘giving yourself the praise you always wanted to hear’ because your own praise is so much more powerful than from someone else.
So close your eyes and imagine the parent, teacher, aunt, uncle, grandparent or friend that you most needed or wanted love from. With eyes closed, you ask yourself “what did I most need to hear from that person so I knew 100% that they loved and accepted me and that I was enough for them”.
And you say those things to yourself…
“I am/was a great son/daughter” “I did my very best” “I’m a really good person” “I am kind, generous and loving” “I am a loyal friend” “I AM talented” “I AM enough”
Please do not mistake powerful little process for positive affirmations. I personally don’t believe in staring into a mirror and saying “I’m awesome, I’m a God, I can do anything I want” unless I absolutely believe that those things are true. Affirmations can become aggressive and disingenuous. Instead, I work on finding soft, gentle, deep and authentic truths; those things you always wanted to hear but didn’t.
Did you have a parent that always told you how proud they were of your achievements when all you wanted to hear was “I love you”?
Did you have a grandparent who always said “I love you” when all you wanted to hear was “I am proud of you”?
If you begin and end your day with self-praise it is my promise to you that you will feel an inner transformation that will bring such worthiness and appreciation into your life and you really can have anything you want.